I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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