she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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