You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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