Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
