Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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