Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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