He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bring me that man meat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
