Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
