He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Even my vagina gasped.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
