I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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