If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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