I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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