he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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