My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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