PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
