we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
