Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can you bring me the toilet please
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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