Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
