just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
