the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
