I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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