his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want her autograph on my taint
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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