Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
