If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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