yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
