She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
