Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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