well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
