where does the pee come out of this thing
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
