that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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