Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
