Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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