I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's official drugs can't kill me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
