Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
