Ambien. No doubt about it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
