Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
