well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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