suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
