Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize