watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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