discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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