puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
