in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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