And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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