I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
nutella sex= disaster
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
