I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
