Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
