I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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