I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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