I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm too high and old for this...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
