i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When are your genitals available?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
