It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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